Humor: More Bumper
59. Keep Honking – I’m
1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You
Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame
Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where
You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are
Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't
Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite
Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles
From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This
34. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
35. I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On
36. [On The Back Of A Biker's Vest] If You Can
Read This, The Bitch Fell Off.
37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're
Doing It Wrong...
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep] If You Can
Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over
40. Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed
41. [At a restaurant] Guys: No Shirt, No
Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does
My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To
Crack Open A Cold One.
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
50. Heart Attacks - God's Revenge For Eating His
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From
A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before
He Admits He Is Lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance,
Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps
The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It. Wanted It. Had A Fit. Got It!
56. Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In
57. What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit
58. PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
A man lay
sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
theatre. When the usher came by and noticed
this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but
you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned
but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going
to have to call the general manager." Again, the man
just groaned, which infuriated the usher who
turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in
search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager
returned and stood over the man. Together the
two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but
with no success. Finally, they summoned the
police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly
then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The
asked the gallery owner if there had been any
interest in his paintings currently on display.
The owner decided to have some general fun and
said, "I've got good news and bad news." "The good news is that a gentleman
inquired about your work and wondered if it
would appreciate in value after your death. When
I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed,
"What's the bad news?". With concern, the
gallery owner replied, "The guy was your
employee stood before the paper shredder looking
confused. "Need some help?" a secretary, walking
by, asked. "Yes," he replied, "how does this
thing work?" "Simple," she said, taking the fat
report from his hand and feeding it into the
shredder. "Thanks, but where do the copies come
invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris,
the host, preceded every request to his wife by
endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love,
Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked
at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice,
that after all these years that you have been
married, you keep calling your wife those pet
names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To
tell the truth, I forgot her name three years
A woman in
Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make
her final requests. She told her rabbi she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered all over Bloomingdales. "Why
Bloomingdales?" asked the rabbi. "Then I'll be
sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
A man and
his wife are driving down the road when a cop
pulls them over. The cop says to the man, "Do
you know that you were speeding?" The man
replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding."
The mans wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew
you were speeding I've been telling you to slow
down for miles." "SHUT UP!" the man says to his
wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be
quite." Then the cop says, "well, since I've got
you pulled over did you know that the tag on
your license plate is expired?" "No Sir" the man
replies, "I did not know that" "WHATEVER!" His
wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it
up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut up"
the man yells to his wife again! "Sit back and
shut up, mind your own business!" Curios, the
cop walks over to the woman's side of the car
and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this
way?" "No" she replies, " Only when he's